The Hunters of the Stars: Chronicle 1
by Vieraheart15
Summary: REDONE! No longer in script format, but with all the hilarity intact, the Hunters return with a vengence! A Wight Mamba Production edited by Vieraheart15! Somewhat of an FFTA crossover.
1. The Hunt Begins

The Hunters of the Star in…

The hunt of self proclaimed lord

By: Wight Mamba

All Final Fantasy and all affiliated things and such are property of Square Enix….not me!

**The Hunters of the Star are an elite corp of hunters who under the command of their clan Pom-Pom, a clan started by, ran by, financed by, titled by, founded by, and such by Moogles. Anyway these elite hunters are known throughout Ivalice for taking on hunts that range from those that are really stupid, lame, and just flat out bogus, to those that are serious and totally difficult. **

**Our story begins in a tavern in the Arcadian Empire; this takes place six years after the end of Final Fantasy XII. I'm Using VieraHeart15's profile because I don't have my own, and if you flame me please let it be critique and not some NEGATIVE BASHING! If you please as to be so kind! Now redone so it's no longer in script format! Hooray!**

**Chapter one: The hunt begins…**

A young Hume walks up to the bartender "25,30,10,15,15." He says

"No that won't work, my going rates are…30, 55, 25, 30, 25." The Bartender replies.

"No? Then how about 40, 20, 5, 25, 10."

"40,25,15,25,20."

"Ahh…30,20,20,30,15."

"Hmmm, Okay it's a deal so your totals come up to 115 Gil, it's been a pleasure doing business with you, and here is your key um… I never got your name sir."

"Oh, my name is Hilron, Hilron Juleds."

"Well then have a pleasant stay at my tavern Hilron."

"I will."

**Later that day.**

Hilron returns to his group; A Bangaa, a Nu Mou, a Viera, and a Moogle. "So have you come with any info on any marks?"

"Yes. A level IV." Said the Bangaa.

"Not much, a level II mark Kupo!" Said the cutest Moogle anybody would hope to see.

"Nothing." The Nu Mou replied, looking rather disappointed.

The Viera smiled "I found a candy necklace!" She yelled happily, dangling a candy necklace in front of Hilron's face.

"DARLING!!!" Hilron yelled, smacking the candy necklace out of the Viera's hands.

Name: Hilron Juleds

Age: 23 years

Race: Human

Job: Sharp-shooter/ Fighter

Gender: Male

Position: 1st point of the Star (Highest)

Most likely to: Get annoyed at an idiotic remark and blow and/or slash that person's head off.

Growing up as an orphan, Hilron has always had it rough until when he was discovered by Dr. Cid who noticed his inventive potential and gave him a job in the Draklor Laboratories until six years ago after the fall of Vayne, he then disbanded and became an elite hunter and now the current leader of the hunters of the star.

"I wish Darling would be serious for once! Kupo!" The cute Moogle snapped.

Name: Darling

Age?

Race: Viera

Job: (would be) Assassin

Gender: DER I DUNNO UH (SARCASTICALLY :) ) female?

Position: 5th point of the star (Lowest)

Most likely to: Die within the next ten seconds for making a stupid remark in front of Hilron.

Darling the Viera is most often a hyperactive brainless idiot who eats just about anything she finds on the ground; the only time she does something right is when she fights.

"I'm sorry. I like candy. Oh! I forgot I saw a Level III mark earlier! Ha! In your face, Pommel!" The stupid Viera yelled happily.

Name: Pommel

Age: 35 (in Moogle years)

Race: Moogle (I love Moogles ;))

Job: Gunner

Gender: Male

Position: 3rd point of the star (middle, Kupo!)

Most likely to: Sit there looking cute and innocent till he whips out his gun and blasts your head clean off, Kupo!

As a Moogle, Pommel has a very docile demeanor as a cute and harmless creature; think that and you have most likely been shot right between eyes already.

The big burly Bangaa looked furious at the Moogle and Viera. "Pommel, Darling…SHUT UP!!!"

"O-o-okay Ratominaz." The pair stammered, terrified.

Name: Ratominaz (Tom-tom)

Age: 67 (Bangaas live twice as long as humans, according to the bestiary )

Race: Bangaa

Job: Dragoon

Gender: Male

Position: 4th point of the star

Most likely to: Tear you up like a dragon would for calling him a lizard.

As a Dragoon Tom-tom likes to do stuff as a dragon would but he is most likely to keep the others in line, especially Darling.

"Aww! I wanted the candy necklace because it has a higher i.q. than me." The Viera began whimpering.

"We should have given the shovel one too…" Hilron muttered.

The Nu Mou heard and smiled "Hey, I'll go get the shovel!" She told Hilron.

"Hey, Greta remember to "accidentally" knock Darling unconscious with it!"

Name: Greta

Age: Unknown

Race: Nu-mou

Job: Illusionist (with white magic & black magic)

Gender: Female

Position: 2nd point of the star

Most likely: To save her own life by using Darling as a viera meat shield.

Being an illusionist she can use her abilities to trick peoples' minds into thinking that they are actually feeling pain, and if that doesn't work she has black magic to back that up.

Hilron sighed. "When are the new marks coming up?" He wondered.

**I got the idea for the haggling (The numbers at the start) part from a book, but the characters and pretty much everything else is original. Next chapter…The hunters now have a new mark to hunt but this hunt might just be the most annoying mark yet! The self-proclaimed Lord of the Wood, Janzyn the male Viera!**


	2. This is Where it Gets Good!

**Hunters of the stars: Chronicle one, the Hunt of the Self-proclaimed Lord. **

**Chapter two: Things Get Complicated**

**Here comes chapter 2! This is where it gets good!!!**

Tom-tom is yelling at the stupid Viera. "Darling! Shut up! You are not the queen of decorative house lamps!"

"No! Because I am the queen of the decorative house lamps!" The rabbit-woman yelled, a lamp on her head.

Hilron whistles and then out of no where a blond man in his forties in judge armor wielding an axe like a maniac appears and chases Darling into a corner.

"I will (hic) kill you Gabranth (hic)!" The drunken man slurs.

"Ahhhhhhhhh! I'm not Gawhosamacallit!!!" The Viera screamed.

"Fran, when did you (hic) get here?"

Darling draws sword with intent to kill.

"Uh-oh!" Hilron yelled.

Hilron whistles, and then in the same fashion another blond man in his forties wearing tin foil armor wielding a foam axe comes in and chases out Basch!

"What in the name of kupo nuts just happened?" Pommel wondered.

Greta is laughing "Don' know, but what ever it was it was hilarious!" She said.

"Lookit! I found a rank… what's that number next to it?… mark!" Darling yelled happily, holding up a bill.

"THAT'S A FIVE!!!" Hilron yelled.

"NO, it's a V for Viera!"

"Hold this!" Hilron hands Darling a red card.

"Now what?"

"Wait for it!"

A guy in judge armor jumps in through in the window, run up to Darling and stands behind her!

"Wait; before you take her let me see the mark." Hilron said as he took the paper from the Viera. "Oh, in the name of all that is kupo and drunken has-been summoning, this mark is worth a treasure trove!"

"Hey! Kupo is _my_ line, Kupo!" Pommel stated, arms folded in annoyance.

"What, Really?" Asked Tom-tom and Greta in unison.

"I kid you not!" Hilron replied, showing them the bill.

"So can I go free?" Darling asked.

"After we kill this mark we might think about considering to decide to get you bailed!"

The Judge takes Darling away kicking and screaming.

"So… Where are we heading?" Pommel asked.

"To the Paramina rift!" Hilron responded happily.

Hours later they arrive at the Paramina rift via teleport stones; it took so long because the lines were long. Really long!

"Finally!" Greta growled.

"I'm so tired even my pom-pom is exhausted, kupo!" Pommel muttered.

"Thank the stars we didn't have to walk." Tom-Tom grumbled.

"Yeah, because then we wouldn't have been able to ride on our favourite r-tard Viera like usual since she's in jail!" Hilron said.

They arrive at the den of their quarry!

"Here we are, now be quiet, keep low, and no sudden movements." Hilron whispered to his comrades.

"So what we after, kupo?" Pommel wondered.

"Jacque O' Lumine."

Tom-Tom snorted. "Sounds fancy!" He remarked sarcastically.

"A pumpkin patch. What the heck is this doing in the snow?"

Boom!

"Wait, what was that?" Greta queried, pointing at the pumpkin patch.

"Look! Something is rising out of the patch and it ain't no squash that is highly edible!" Tom-Tom yelled.

Then as he says that, ironically enough it turns out to be the Great Pumpkin, Jacque 'O Lumine!

"Wait a moment! That not Jacque O' Lumine, that's Jack O' Lantern!" Hilron yelled.

"Happy Halloween!" The pumpkin said.

"It's not Halloween! It's the middle of summer!" Tom-Tom corrected.

"Trick or Treat! Smell my feet!"

"What feet, kupo?" Pommel asked.

"Give me something good to eat!"

"This is by far either the most retarded or the most bizarre mark ever, where does this story's author get these ideas?" Hilron asked.

Meanwhile somewhere in The United States of America!

Wight mamba: Ha! This story is so retarded! Let's make a movie reference!

Vieraheart15: I like the part where Darling gets put in jail!

Back in Ivalice…

"Wanna have a treat? Well, try swallowing this treat! It might be a little hot!" Greta yells as she throws a fireball but unfortunately, the fire lights the candle of the Jack O' Lantern.

"In this town we call home everybody hails to the pumpkin throne!" Jack O' Lantern sings. Hilron draws his sword and his gun.

"That's it Jack, you're pie!!!" Hilron yells.

Ten seconds later…

"Nice work Hilron, kupo, you took that overgrown squash out in ten seconds later, I still can't believe you split it into forty-five pieces, Kupo!" Pommel yelled, holding a huge pumpkin pie.

"With all that finished, lets take this to the person who posted this, get our bounty, and get stupid Darling out of jail!" Hilron hissed.

"Where did you get that red card?" Tom-Tom asked.

"Painted an index card, works every time!"

"Kup Kupo!" Pommel cheered.

**TO BE CONTINUED!!! KUPO!**

**I do not own the pumpkin king song I made reference to, or the Great Pumpkin for that matter.**

**What to be expected…Our heroes after killing the great pumpkin and free their liability waiver Darling,**

**They are off to hunt their most mysterious hunt ever, the one referred to as the self proclaimed lord (that's the only hint you are going to get!) to find out who, wait for chapter 3: the self proclaimed lord!**


	3. The SelfProclaimed Lord

The Hunters of the Stars Chronicle One: The Hunt of the Self-Proclaimed Lord

**Vieraheart15 here! My brother Wight Mamba and I are back for another chapter of our most insane story so far! In this chapter, the hunt for the self-proclaimed Lord of the Wood commences, and Darling, aka Live Bait, the world's loudest Viera, gets stupider. The reoccurring Basch appearances are Wight Mamba's. **

**Chapter 3: The Self-proclaimed Lord**

"Now, Darling, we're spending almost all of our bounty getting you out. You'd have better behave!" Hilron said as the Viera was released to rejoin her comrades.

"Look on the bright side, kupo! We got to keep the candle, and a really kupo pie." Pommel remarked.

"I want a huge slice!" Darling exclaimed.

"No pie for bad little Viera who get themselves arrested for idiocy in public!" Said Greta angrily.

"A genius, which I is one of am!"

Pommel sighed. "Why don't we leave her here and forget about her, kupo?"

"This story is about a five pointed star. She's the comic relief too. This story wouldn't be funny without Darling." Hilron explained.

"Clan Pom-Pom hired her over another Viera. Of course, it was in the dark, and Darling pushed the other Viera out the door…" Tom-Tom added.

"The other guy here gave me pixy sticks! They were great! I was high on a sugar rush all day!" The stupid young Viera yelled happily.

"Those weren't pixy sticks." Greta told Darling.

"Now, if Moron Theater is over, it's time for a special guest!" Hilron announced.

Hilron whistles and then walks in two guys holding a big sheet of glass and then again a blond man this time in a clown costume jumps through the glass while juggling chain saws and goes after Darling.

"You shall pay Fran for eating the map!" Basch exclaimed.

"I'm not Fran, my name is Mqjx, but you can call me Nuku Nuku!" Darling cried excitedly.

"He-yuck ha ha ha!"

"Mqjx? How on Ivalice do you pronounce that!?" Greta asked.

"You pronounce it Dar-ling." Darling replied. Clown Basch grabbed Darling by the legs and started flailing her into the walls and the floor!

"Okay, this is getting out of hand!" Hilron yelled. He whistled and then a guy in a pineapple costume came in and chased out Clown Basch.

"Hey! Look at this mark! It's for two Viera. And it's signed by a Jote, Leader of Eruyt Village." Tom-Tom stated. He pronounced Jote like it was spelled, not how it is said.

"Who is this Jote?" Greta wondered.

"Eruyt Village? That's in the Wood! I've never been there, but a friend of mine went crazy there! I don't know who this Jote is either." Darling added, pronouncing Jote's name the same way Tom-Tom and Greta did.

"We need a guide." Hilron said.

"I've been there! Lots of times! Their leader is Jote, she's a pure white Viera, which means the males think she's hotter than the other Viera and she hates me so much!" Darling yelled, pronouncing Jote's name the proper way.

"'I need you to kill Lord Janzyn for messing with my baby sister. And I need you to kill his… Uh-oh, there's a word here Darling can't hear… sister Lena for harassment!'" Tom-Tom read.

"Let me see that! Oh my…" Hilron said.

"Wow! That's worth a lot for Janzyn's head alone, kupo! That's twice what that kupo pumpkin was worth!" Pommel remarked.

Later, in the Wood…

"I'm home! I was born in one of these Viera villages!" Darling yelled.

"Kupopo! You were not! My cousin Pomegranate says that you were born in a badger hole, and adopted by Moogles when your kupo mother died giving birth to you!" Pommel hissed.

"The badgers were my godparents! They sued the Moogles for custody, but they lost, kupo!"

Hilron spies a pom-pom in a tree, and a little white catlike creature with wings scurries past. A ton of Moogles pour out of the trees carrying spears and stab Darling a few dozen times before vanishing again.

"I'm cheese!" Darling cried out, full of holes.

"Let's just get into that Viera village. This place is giving me the creeps." Greta stated.

In Eruyt Village…

"Which one of you lovely ladies is Jote?" Hilron asked some of the Viera women. They ran off.

"And do you want to buy Darling, kupo?" Pommel asked.

"More and more Humes humiliate us by the day, although the Moogle is welcome." Said a heavily-accented voice. A Viera with pure white ears, unlike Darling's which were black at the ends, was standing before the group.

"Yay! Kupopo!"

"Are you here about the bill I posted? Normally, I wouldn't do this, because I can't stand Humes, but my sister Mjrn is in great danger."

"Are you Jote?" Hilron asked.

The Viera nods and Darling smiles.

"Remember me?" Darling wondered.

"I wish I didn't. You had better be a hunter, or else I'll cut your little throat out." Jote snapped.

"I'm a hunter! I'm an elite hunter!"

"There are two Viera I want you to kill. Lord Janzyn lives somewhere deep in the Wood with his sister Lena. Lena has a crush on me, and Janzyn is with my sister on a regular basis. I fear for Mjrn's safety with this man, and I hate him. Kill Janzyn and Lena both, but if any harm should come to Mjrn, you get no bounty."

Suddenly when she finishes saying that, the world grows dark and in big orange letters the words "Self Proclaimed Lord, The hunt begins!" appear.

"Come on! Is that really necessary?" Hilron asked.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the United States of America…

Wight Mamba: Yes it was… DEAL WITH IT!!!

Vieraheart15: Like I have to deal with people thinking I stole their OTP, whatever the heck that is. Really, I don't know!

**I don't own "All Purpose cultural cat Girl Nuku-Nuku", the References made to "The **

**Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy", Pixy stix, or Lord Janzyn or his stupid sister Lena (Vieraheart15 owns these two, but I have her permission in that case.)**

**The Moogle Impalement squad in paragraph one is my property**

**What to expect in chapter 4, "The worst mark ever", The Hunters have began their hunt for Lord Janzyn and his psychotic sister Lena. Be sure to expect more references to stuff and maybe an appearance by a certain Sky Pirate and his Viera partner!**


	4. The Worst Mark Ever!

**Hunters of the Stars Chronicle 1: Hunt for the Self-Proclaimed Lord**

**Chapter 4: The Worst Mark Ever!**

**Last we left our heroes in Eruyt Village with a new hunt taken up for CLAMZILLA!!! Just kidding it's actually Lord Janzyn.**

In Eruyt village…

"Okay, now we need supplies, down payment, and a liability waiver, and the location of this womanizing jackass and her brother!" Hilron told the Viera.

"You used Lena first?" Greta asked.

"Lesbians sicken me."

"And we need a five year supply of candy! What is a lesbian?" Darling wondered. Hilron sighed.

"Never mind. It's what we sometimes think you are."

"I'm a pureblood Viera! I like candy! Gimme the candy now!"

"I swear, if didn't know any better I'd say you came from a fat Viera, a Viera so fat even Naruto can't believe it!" Tom-Tom joked.

Somewhere in the hidden leaf village…

Kakashi: What's wrong Naruto?

Naruto: I have this strange feeling that someone used me in a Yo Momma joke saying I couldn't believe and you'd better believe it!

Back in Eruyt village…

"I wanna go shoot something! Kupopo!" Pommel complained.

"Shoot Darling!" Hilron told the Moogle.

"He can't shoot me! I'm bulletproof!" Darling yelped.

"What is she saying?" One of the Viera asked.

"She's trying to lie. She's done it before." Hilron explained.

"Yeah and this isn't her worst lie. There was this one time she told us that she was pregnant…" Greta began.

(Flashback)

Darling skips up to Hilron happily. "Hilron! Guess what? You're going to be a daddy!" She announced.

Hilron points a gun at her.

"Rephrase that." The Hume stated.

"I'm going to have a baby and you're the daddy!"

"Darling, that isn't possible. Hilron has never…" Greta began.

"NOBODY DID! SHE ISN'T PREGNANT! WHO WOULD SLEEP WITH HER?! She probably just has internal parasites or something." Hilron roared.

"Maybe Viera can reproduce differently, kupo, or something. You know, like kupo aphids or something." Pommel suggested.

"That girl eats things she finds on the ground. She has worms. I bet you five hundred Gil it's worms."

(End flashback)

"It was just worms, and I won five hundred Gil!" Hilron finished for Greta. The Nu Mou nodded.

Bang!

"Shooting Darling is fun and all but I want a harder target, Kupo!" Pommel said.

"Let's hope Darling bleeds to death on the way there!" Greta added.

"She won't. I just shot her through the ear."

Darling has a hole through one of her bunny ears.

Hours later…

"Okay let's see: left of the Marlboros (Stupid smoking Malboros), past the tree where the Stabberwocky lives (though a Viera sacrifice may be in order), and down cross the river with the sweet sassafras's, then we will come across a dock… wait there are no stabberwockies in the Golmore jungle!" Hilron said, reading the map he had found Darling colouring all over. She said she found it in a magic pot.

"What will we do to Lord Janzyn? He's one of only a few male Viera in the world! Only one out of twelve baby Viera is a boy! Will we hurt him?" Darling asked.

"Oh, of course not!" Hilron lied.

"I'm just gonna smash him kupo flatter than your chest!" Pommel yelled excitedly, holding a mallet bigger than him.

"I got the implants!" Darling whined.

"Are you sure you're a female, Darling?" Greta asked.

"Yes, she's a woman! Remember the last time you asked us and she stripped so she could PROVE IT?!" Hilron replied hastily so Darling didn't have a chance to react.  
"Don't remind me!" Tom-Tom growled

"Can I help for once in the hunt?" Darling asked.

Hilron smiled evilly. "Sure, we can't do it without you." He said.

"YAY!"

Minutes later…

"Stay here while we hide and wait for Janzyn."

"Yeah. And don't do anything stupid." Greta added.

"That's like telling a fish not to swim."

"Yeah Greta. Hilron says that I'm a really stupid Viera and I have to act like it so that no males fall in love with me and want to make more stupid little Viera with me." Darling said. She was tied to a tree.

"That's right. Darling isn't allowed to have kids."

"Why not?

"Because two stupid viera equal one extremely stupid viera, Kupo!" Pommel replied.

"Besides we don't need another stupid viera tagging along!" Hilron remarked.

"You mean this WORLD doesn't need another kupo stupid Viera, kupo!"

"What if I had your son, Hilron?" Darling asked.

Hilron made a choking sound "That isn't happening, because if I had a choice between you and death, I'd shoot myself. No, scratch that. I'd shoot YOU!"

"Here, here!" Tom-Tom applauded.

Darling struggles to free herself and the rest hide. Soon enough, a pair of Viera shows up. One of them is a young female. The other is male, even though he looks and sounds female.

"Those are girls." Greta whispered.

"My cousin Pomegranate says that male Viera are hard to tell from females sometimes. That might not be him, but I think that is a male Viera. Take a good look at him. The young one with him is definitely female, but I think that's a male." Pommel told her.

"Yeah. He looks more like Darling than that girl with him. It's hard to tell that Darling is a female. It's either another sadly underdeveloped female, or a male." Tom-Tom said in the quietest voice he could use.

The other Viera sees Darling and rushes over to her.

"Hi. I'm Lord Janzyn, King of the Jungle. Nice to meet you. Want to be the mother of my children?" The male Viera asked.

"Hilron says that he's gonna have me taken to a veterinarian and fixed one of these days before I can bring any more stupid Viera into the world!" Darling said happily.

"Who is Hilron?"

"He's my boyfriend. He loves me. We're gonna get married! He's right over there! Say hi Hilron!" Darling waves at the group, revealing their location.

"I'm… gonna… kill… that… Viera… kid." Hilron growled.

The group shows themselves.

"Uh-oh." Janzyn said, getting ready to fight (and then run like hell when he's near defeat).

**Here's the moment you've been waiting for! The Climax of this chronicle at least… just kidding! This story is going to go on for a while, and this is just the first chronicle! There will be more chronicles to come!**

**Naruto and all affiliated characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. Lord Janzyn and Lena are owned by Vieraheart15 herself.**


	5. Jungle Ninja Janzyn?

The Hunters of the Stars Chronicle One: The Hunt of the Self-Proclaimed Lord.

**Hi! This is Vieraheart15, standing in for Wight Mamba. Don't worry; he'll still be doing most of the actual writing and stuff. I just edit it, since he makes lotsa mistakes and I don't want people giving him issues about that. I know some people send reviews commenting on every little mistake somebody makes. We have so much fun writing this story. We try to find all kinds of references to make, and that makes it funny. I enjoy funny stories that make interesting references. This story is pretty much a FFTA crossover, and my brother and I love that game. That's where our heroes got their jobs from. My brother absolutely loves Moogles, and he's also talked about writing poetry about them. If he writes one, I'll submit it.**

Chapter Five: Jungle Ninja Janzyn?

"Ready to die Viera?" Hilron asked, drawing his gun.

"But there are so many girls I haven't messed with!" Janzyn cried.

"I was talking about Darling here, but you're next!"

"Then be prepared to face the wrath of a proud shinobi of the Village Hidden in the Jungle!"

"Village Hidden in the kupo Jungle?" Pommel wondered, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, it's kewl. That's where I come from."

"Yeah, well the only thing kewl around here will be your timely death, and it is pronounced cool you idiot!" Hilron yelled.

"Uh… Eat my jungle ninjutsu…Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, RABBIT!!!"

Utter silence ensues

"Soooo, what was that supposed to do?" Tom-Tom asked.

"Wait for it." Janzyn said.

30 minutes later

"Wait for it."

2 hours later

"Wait for it."

So long later I got tired typing for however long it took!

"Aha finally! Face the wrath of my summoned companion, The Marlboro!"

Out of the smoke comes a tiny Malboro with a cigarette bigger than it

"Maybe signing the blood deal with one of these guys was a bad idea…"

"It is absolutely adorable! I'll name it Smokesalot!" Darling called out.

"Lame!" Hilron said. He steps on it and crushes it.

Janzyn is shocked. "Y-y-you killed L'il Jan-Jan!" He yelled.

Mjrn grins slyly. "But that's what you call your…" She starts saying.

"Shut up!"

Greta begins a spell. "It's time for stupid viera children to fall asleep!" She stated.

Mjrn passes out and falls into a deep sleep.

"Now that she's not a problem now we can take care of you!" Hilron hissed.

"HA! My good Hume, you surely jest for I, the great Lord Janzyn did not come unprepared to…" Janzyn began.

"Does this guy ever shut up? Hey, lord of the morons shut up! Kupo!" Pommel muttered.

"Ha! Prepare to meet Smokey the boro!" Janzyn opens a cage and out falls a dead Marlboro "Oh, giving that thing a cigarette was a bad idea…"

"I had enough of this!" Hilron yelled. He whistles again; two guys walk in holding a big glass panel and then Basch, this time in a bacon costume, bursts through the glass and immediately lunges at Janzyn and then grab him by the neck.

"Ha, this, this it's a trifle! You can't kill me I am undying like a dragon and not like that lizard!"

Tom-Tom glared at Janzyn. "What…did…you…just…say?" He growled.

"Good gods, let's move!" Hilron yelled. He, Darling, Greta, and Pommel got out of the way.

"I'm gonna enjoy dismembering you limb from limb, disemboweling you, and tearing out your organs from your still living body and tasting your blood, finally I'll rip out your pathetic little heart and show it to you before I gouge out your beady little eyes and leave you to die a slow agonizing, and profitable death and I'll start by ripping off your legs so you can't run!" Tom-Tom roared. He takes a big bite out of Janzyn's leg.

"AAAAUUUUGGGHHHHH!" Janzyn screamed like a girl. Then Basch starts throwing him into stuff and then Hilron whistles and a guy in an egg costume comes and chases Basch off

Janzyn manages to get Tom-Tom's fangs out of his leg. "You t-t-think it's over, not by a long shot!"

"Long shot!" Pommel yelled, firing his gun. Janzyn gets shot, then lit on fire by Greta, and than Hilron stabs him.

"Okay, now it's over."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash

"Time to escape!" Janzyn said while the rest couldn't see.

"Darn he is getting away!" Hilron yelled.

Minutes later

"Darn he got away! Thanks Balthier!"

"Well, sorry. A leading man needs to appear at the last second to save the day." Balthier stated.

"What do you mean save the day? We almost had him!"

"Well, I could have softened him up for you!"

"He was missing a big chunk of his leg!"

"Now stop it; we'll need to find him and to do that you'll need us, we know where to find him." Fran said.

Meanwhile…

Janzyn casts a little of his Blue Magick to heal himself "White Wind! Good, I'm back in one piece…wait, what is that sound!?"

Stabbing noises approach Janzyn.

"Oh dear mother…save me now!"

Out of the tree appears the fearful Stabberwocky!

"Augggghhhhh!"

And so ends the Part one of the first chronicle of hunters of the stars… Part two is the hunt for Lena the lesbian Viera, chapter 6!

**Marlboro cigarettes are not my property (I would personally never smoke the F$#ing things) but the Marlboro Creatures are my idea and my property as is the Stabberwocky! The ninjutsu stuff is ripping on Naruto. I really enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoy reading this…Part two comes shortly, look forward to it, thanks and KUPOPO Kupo:)**


	6. Darling Does Math

The Hunters of the Stars Chronicle One: The Hunt of the Self-Proclaimed Lord

Part Two: The Hunt for Lena.

**Vieraheart15 again. My brother wanted to end the story last chapter, but I persuaded him that that left a lot of questions unanswered and would disappoint fans, so we're continuing it! YAY! In this part, our heroes and Balthier and Fran go after the lovely-yet-disturbing Lena, Janzyn's older sister. Reviews make us happy.**

**Chapter 6: Darling Does Math.**

"We're also after Lena. We should go find her and kill her now. Jan can wait." Hilron explained to Balthier and Fran.

"Which one of you knocked Mjrn out?" Fran asked angrily. Mjrn is still out cold. Cute, cuddly little bunnies are nibbling on the young Viera's ears. Darling chases them away happily.

"It's just a sleep spell. We didn't want to hurt her. She should wake up soon." Greta explained. "Darling! Leave the rabbits alone! They aren't doing anything!"

"Darling?"

"Maybe you can talk to her and make sense of what she says. She's our Viera. And she's a complete r-tard. I mean, I'm not saying you're stupid Miss Fran, but you do speak Viera after all…"

Darling approached Fran happily. "Hiya! My name is Mqjx, but they call me Darling for some reason I still don't know! Hilron is my boyfriend, we're gonna get married." She told the older Viera.

"DARN IT WOMAN, STOP TELLING THEM THAT I HAVE ANY FEELINGS OTHER THAN PURE AND UNFILTERED HATRED FOR YOU!" Hilron screamed.

"Mqjx? That's a ridiculous name, even for a Viera." Fran said.

"I like my name. I made it up myself. I was raised by Moogles. My Moogle parents wanted to call me Kupo-something-I-can't-remember. I also like candy. Do you have any candy?" Darling asked.

"Did Jote put you up to this, Pommel? I know she doesn't like Janzyn and she despises Lena."

"Kupo-yeah!" The Moogle said. Fran and he had known each other for a long time.

"Well anyway, we have a hunt to do and we would like to get it done with." Hilron reminded his friends.

"Yeah, shooting them once is never enough, kupopo!"

"That Janzyn moron called me a lizard! I'm not a lizard I'm a…" Tom-Tom began.

Darling interrupted. "An amphibian!"

"New target acquired!"

"Ratominaz, calm down. You can kill her after we kill our next target!" Hilron exclaimed, trying to avert the impending violent assault on everyone because of the stupid Viera kid's comment.

"Well, this is going to be an amusing trip." Balthier remarked.

"Yes. What are you doing Mqjx? Are you tickling Mjrn's nose with that fern in an attempt to wake her up?" Fran asked Darling.

Suddenly out of nowhere appear five Harry Potter impersonators.

"I'm Harry Potter." The first boy said.

"No, I'm Harry Potter." The second boy argued.

"You're both wrong, I'm the Real Harry Potter." The third boy stated.

"Well you're all wrong, I'm Harry Potter." Said a fourth boy.

"I'm onwy five years old." A little boy remarked.

"Guess what? I know how to tell who the real one is!" Hilron exclaimed.

"You do? Who?" All five boys asked in unison

"None of you…" Hilron said as he takes out his overly modified super-death-machine. "Meet Mr.G-17k Death Ray with modifications and x10 zoom in and has the destructive force of a Firama (Fire 5) spell cast at 100-fold intensity! In other words meet the thing that makes the peoples fall down…any last…on second thought I don't care." Fires the weapon which instantaneously vaporizes four and a half of them.

"Augggghhhhh…" The last half of one of the boys says as he tries to drag himself off.

"Hey Balthier, take care of that one would you?"

"Okay, time to take the life you don't have!" Balthier yells as he shoots the remaining half of the last guy.

"Hey Hilron, can I borrow your flame thrower?" Darling asked.

"Hell NO! Wait?" Hilron looks over and sees that Darling has been lit on fire. "Give it back, even though that is quite an improvement."

"Darn! Now I can't have a BBBQ! The Extra B was for BYOBB!"

"Shut up! Why did you…"

"Miss Mqjx, please explain what you did to my sister!" Fran yelled.

"I'm doing math! See? 2+2 equals clown with a flame thrower!" Darling has done a miserable job dyeing Mjrn's hair various random colours.

"It's gonna take days to get that out of her hair, you brat!"

"I'm _this_ far away from vapourizing you, Darling!" Hilron growled.

"Will that hurt?" The young Viera wondered.

"No! It will be as pleasant as a summer walk! For me!"

"I don't think an instant kill would hurt, Mqjx." Fran said. Another female Viera walks over to her.

"Hello Jote!" The other Viera woman exclaimed as she hugged Fran.

"I am not Jote, Lena. You should know that by now. I'm Fran. If you don't mind, get off."

"NOT AGAIN! MY EYES ARE GETTING SO BAD! Is Mjrn okay? Jan will be so upset if anything happens to his little girlfriend."

"Target acquired!" Tom-Tom snarled.

"Look at Lena when you say that, not dipstick Darling! You can kill her later!" Hilron ordered.

"Uh-oh! I'm innocent! I just want love! Is that so wrong?" Lena began crying.

"We just do what the bill says to do."

**The BBBQ line was from The Simpsons, which we don't own.**

**What's next? A long fight with Lena, a by long I mean short and by fight I mean more antics and by antics I mean Darling screws it up!**


	7. Pheytah The SuperViera

The Hunters of the Stars Chronicle One: The Hunt of the Self-Proclaimed Lord

**Hi! This is Vieraheart15 again. In this chapter, you meet Lena, Janzyn's bizarre and somewhat disturbed sister. Darling screws things up, crossover jokes are made and Janzyn reappears with his friend Pheytah (who is one tough he-Viera).**

**Chapter 7: Pheytah the Super-Viera**

"Now, Lena, just hold still and this won't hurt! This spear is going through your heart if I have to skewer Darling too!" Hilron yelled, holding Tom-Tom's Dragoon spear.

"I'd like it if Fran kills me instead." Lena said, smiling at Fran.

"No thank you. I do not have a reason." Fran said calmly.

"Yeah let Hilron do it! Then we'll be in a shish-kabob together!" Darling cried happily.

"That's my spear!" Tom-Tom yelled as he snatches his spear from Hilron.

Greta and Mjrn were off to a side. Mjrn had awakened a few minutes ago. "Where should I allocate my License points?" Greta asked the young Viera.

"Let's see… there should be some good licenses in this area!" Mjrn exclaimed.

"Hey Lena, catch!" Hilron yelled as he threw a bag at Lena!

"What's this?" Lena asked. She opened the bag and out comes a little snake which instantaneously latches on to her nose!

"By the way that is a baby black mamba that should kill you unless by a miracle you survive…" Hilron began.

"Damn you…" Lena muttered, pulling an antidote out of a pack.

Falls over unconscious with the antidote in her mouth.

Meanwhile in a long walk away…

A larger, very muscular male Viera is with Janzyn. "So that's them?" He asked, pointing at the group.

"Yeah, those are the hunters!" Janzyn replied.

The male Viera snorts. "Well then, this should be interesting!" He said.

"Don't be fooled Pheytah! They're stronger than they look! Especially that lizard jerk!"

"Fools are those who call Bangaas lizards!"

"Er…heh."

"Think they have an Enemy Skills materia?"

"Uh… they might."

"Meaning they DON'T, am I correct, Mr. Blue Mage with two sisters in the Viera Mafia?"

"I dunno. I hope not, so I can continue to be your friend!"

"I'm only doing this because I need your Blue Magick, no other reason!"

"Some of my kids might have Blue Magick. It's really, really, EXTREMELY rare in Viera, and it is hereditary. My grandmother had it. I have lots and lots of kids. I probably have about a dozen kids who have the ability without knowing they do, since they haven't used them."

"Shut up, and let me at their leader! I'll go full strength and rip his lungs out with my bare claws!"

"You are pretty strong…"

"PRETTY strong? Once I get that Enemy Skills materia, I'll be Viera heavyweight champion of Ivalice, AND a Blue Mage!"

"Yeah, whatever. Hmmph. I was born with the ability to become a Blue Mage. You're cheating by trying to obtain an Enemy Skills materia!" Janzyn yells. Pheytah squeezes Janzyn's arm. The smaller male Viera starts crying out. Darling's ears stand straight up and she wanders over.

**Trust us… Pheytah is incredibly strong. And he only hangs around Jan for the other male's Blue Magick. Next chapter we'll see how powerful Pheytah REALLY is!**


	8. The Royal Treatment

**Hunters of the stars **

**By Wight mamba**

**There are too many disclaimers to count…**

**This is Vieraheart15 again. Yes, Wight Mamba and I REALLY hate Ashe, and this might be the last chapter I can get out for a while. It isn't the last chapter, but it might take a bit to get more out. It all depends on how Wight Mamba feels. This is the last pre-written chapter I had. The idea for Ashe with an AK-47 was suggested by my friend Luisiroth.**

**Chapter 8: The Royal Treatment**

"Hi, I'm Darling!" Darling said as she ran up to the two male Viera.

"Uh…why on Ivalice would you tell us you name?" Pheytah asked.

"Because I'm stupider than mayonnaise!"

"Are all the other Viera here stupid or wimps?"

"Hi, I'm Darling!" The Viera woman repeated.

"I rest my case."

"Ding-dong!" Darling yelled. Pheytah flicks her in the forehead and sends her flying.

"Boy that was annoying…" Pheytah remarked. Hilron and the rest of the gang walk over to where he and Janzyn were.

"I'm guessing you had something to do with a flying pest the size and shape of a Viera." Hilron stated.

"Nope, I'm so weak I can't flick a butterfly!" Janzyn cried in fear. He was still scared of Tom-Tom. He then tries to flick a butterfly but gets sent flying.

"Not you Dingus. I mean your respectable superior here!"

"So… you're who?" Pheytah asked.

"Who wants to know?"

Pheytah swings his battle axe and Hilron notice the sudden movement steps out of the way. "I'm Pheytah, Viera heavyweight champion of Ivalice and professional entite slayer, and I don't like the way you look!"

"If I knew you were going to do that I would have to consult my equally muscular...Sabin!"

"Wait, what?"

Out of nowhere Sabin flies out and uses bum rush and doing so cause a horde of hobos to attack Pheytah by asking him for change. Then out comes Princess Garnet who summons some creature which while writing can't think of one so she summons Weird Al Yankovic. And then I do not know what happens so prepare for nothing I'm bored….what's on TV…of course…nothing good…looks like more writing!

"That's the most irritating attack ever! And what's with King Trode? He's from the wrong game series!!!" Pheytah yelled.

"The Series is Dragon Quest and that attack is called Royal Treatment…Did I forget someone? Oh well it's not important!"

"Aww…" Says Ashe as she walks off, holding an AK-47.

"That's it!" Pheytah yelled. He removes a part of the axe's blade and what come out looks sorta like a chicken leg, but it's not! "Behold, Rilk Salksa, the axe of elemental slaying! The axe that makes even the entites scared" Out comes an energy blade.

"Finally a challenge! I'll take him on myself; the rest of you should worry about the rest and if possible "accidentally" kill Darling." Hilron said, drawing a sword.

"You shouldn't look away!" Pheytah yelled, swinging his axe and only missing Hilron by a few centimeters.

"He's fast, too bad, I'm always prepared!"

"Grenades!"

KABOOM

"Now where is he? Oh Gods!" Hilron barely dodges Pheytah's axe, but then gets hit by his knee! "Hergh! He's fast, but how…? That's it! The blade is actually a ruse by being heavier it makes him seem slower but he's truly much faster!"

"What a clever Hume! But now you die!" Pheytah snarled.

Janzyn began pulsing with Mist, and appeared to be summoning "I'll help Pheytah! Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit! Summoning jutsu! Bismarck! I summon you!" A piece of sushi materializes, and Mjrn promptly eats it.

"My Janzyn is so nice to me! He's not a fighter, but he sure summons some good sushi!" Mjrn exclaimed happily.

"Jan, next time you want to help me, don't do it by FEEDING YOUR GIRLFRIEND RAW FISH!" Pheytah yelled, dodging Hilron's blade nimbly, like only a Viera can.

"Janzyn told me that sushi is not raw fish, sashimi is raw fish. He tells me about all kinds of things. I've never had raw fish before, but Jan says it's not bad. All that Omega-3 is good for a young Viera." Mjrn told Darling.

"For true?" The other young Viera asked.

"Yes. Very good. It will make me a healthy bunny."

"I want to be a healthy bunny too!"

"Oh, shut up the both of you!" Pheytah raged.

"Don't pick on my Mjrn or I'm rooting for Hilron!" Janzyn growled. The tips of Mjrn's ears turn pink.

"She's blushing!" Darling exclaimed.


	9. The Nonsense Continues

Hunters of the Stars

**It's been a while, so we're back!**

**Chapter 9: The Nonsense Continues**

"Oh well that is all flattering and stuff but I'm still going to blow your empty head off!" Said Hilron.

_Oh, good one, I'm gonna write that one down, Kupo!_ Happily thought Pommel as he takes out a pencil and paper.

"In the time this battle is taking I successfully made a box of peanut noodles." Said Tom-tom.

"Now then since royal treatment didn't work I think I'll use this." Hilron says before he whistles.

Then Basch appears yet again by bursting through a window on the Strahl this time in a red M&M Suit and hits Pheytah hard with a morning star with the side of onion rings then hits him with a fish and then does the fish slapping dance.

"That doesn't hurt it's just as annoying as hell!" Yelled Pheytah.

Then he grabs Basch in mid-air throws him and then the mysterious man this time in a yellow M&M suit picks up Basch and runs away screaming some nonsense about spring rolls.

Fran looked uneasy. "Basch doesn't deserve that." The Viera muttered.

"He loves it Frances!" Darling said happily. Fran hit her across the back of the head.

"My name is not FRANCES! It's just Fran! You're a Viera; you should know it means something different to Viera!"

"Okay how long does the nonsense continue?!" Asked a highly agitated Pheytah

"It's over." Stated Hilron as a disappointed Ashe still wielding an AK-47 walks away again.

"Reeeaaaaarrrrgghhhhh!!!" Screamed Pheytah as he rushed at Hilron. Then, before Hilron could raise his sword to parry his blow Pheytah swung his axe and put a gash along Hilron's sword arm.

"What good is a sword without a sword arm…What when did you?" Asked a surprised Pheytah. Hilron had shot him several times in various nonlethal places.

"Well if you would take the time to notice, I'm ambidextrous, I had my finger on my gun, when you swung and hit me you left a big opening, big enough for me to unload six rounds into your person." Explained Hilron.

"Hmmm… so it seems we can not continue so I will leave you alive for now, until we meet again." Says Pheytah as he picks up Janzyn and Lena.  
"Hey! Those Viera are ours! Jote wants us to kill them!" Greta yelled.

"Jote put you up to this? When I get my hands on that sister of mine…" Mjrn growled.

"Um… hey. My sister and our friends are here for that Royal Treatment attack." Said Princess Lenna. Her sister Faris was asking Balthier for his autograph.

Sometime later in the Sandsea…

"Now that we got that ordeal over with, got paid when Mjrn convinced Jote to give up on killing Jan and she realized we had done something, and got stitched together we can finally…" Hilron began but was interrupted by Darling.

"Spend our money on more candy?"

"No, now shut up and eat your marzipan!" Shouted Greta, shoving a piece of wax fruit down the stupid Viera's throat.

"It tasted like arsenic!" Darling said when she swallowed.

"That's how you know it's good" Said Hilron.

"So... What marks are there to take up?" Tom-Tom asked.

Wump!

"Uh… not to alert you Hilron, but Darling has gone into convulsions, Kupo!" Pommel said.

"Um… no, it's not a Viera this time. It's a polymorphed pet rabbit with the black tipped ears." Hilron said on the phone to the vet.

"Hmm, oh! Here's one and it's a level VI…"Greta said before she was interrupted By Darling.

"…ERA, a rank VIERA Hunt!" Darling shouted happily as everyone glared at her,

Hilron thinking to himself _So she can spell now?_

"Here Darling, hold this." Hilron said as he once again handed Darling a card.

"Oh, it's a red car... uh oh." Darling said.

Somebody jumps through the window and so ends chronicle one!


End file.
